this is the sort of ache you can’t come back from. it crawls down your throat and settles in the hollow of your bones, carving a home out of the pounding of your heart, the rhythm of your rabbit pulse, the echo of your half-asleep mumblings. it lingers, it stays. and there’s nothing you can do about it.
—sometimes, i find myself looking up from my phone to catch my reflection in the train window, and there are distant city lights flashing through my frizzy hair, a flare of something beyond my tired eyes, gone too quick to be missed properly. and i wonder if you take this same train on weekends, i wonder if you still remember the girl that sat behind you for a year, i wonder if you ever reread that book for no reason other than nostalgia for simpler days. i wonder if you miss taking a small detour walking home. i wonder if i can be more honest than dreaming you on nights i have trouble falling asleep.—
this is the sort of ache you don’t realize you’ve been carrying until it’s too quiet, and all of a sudden you are crying, and you don’t have the words to figure out why. it hurts. you hide under the covers and do your best to weather the storm.
Me, trying to get rid of anything that doesn’t spark joy: Ugh I’m such a dumbass I should throw myself away.
Marie materialising in my room: Yes, this negative attitude doesn’t bring you joy. You should thank it for getting you through your past traumas but you no longer need it or want it so it should go.
Your Sun is about yourself.
Your Moon is your heart.
Your Rising is how you look.
Your Mercury is the way you think.
Your Venus is how you love.
Your Mars is how you deal with life.
Your Jupiter is your luck.
Your Saturn is how you discipline yourself and your responsibilities.
Your Uranus is how unique you are.
Your Neptune is your imagination.
Your Pluto is your transformation.
Your Chiron is how you heal.
Your Ceres is how you take care of yourself.
Your Pallas is your relationships.
Your Juno is beauty and Influences.
Your Vesta is your potential and your organization.
Your North Node is how you develop in your current life.
Your South Node is how you developed in your past life.
Your Midheaven is your career, how others view you.
Your Lilith is your hidden emotions.
I love sharing a bed with someone I care about. I love feeling someone breathe next to me I love being enveloped by someone else’s smell I love being able to roll over in the middle of the night and wrap my arms sleepily around someone and feel their warmth.